When I say I’m in a dark place.
I mean I’m a thousand feet down in a well
Sitting there with my knees to my chest
In the tightest ball I’ve ever accomplished 
Looking up at the light but never reaching it
Whispering “help” but it never comes. 

When I say I’m lost.
I mean I’m floating around in space 
Tears floating around with me
Wishing I would land 
Too motion sick to explore
Too sad to move any longer. 

When I say I’m lonley. 
I mean I’m in a crowded room
With everyone who loves me
Standing beside me
Holding my hand
But all I can think about 
Is how they will leave soon
Because they always do. 

When I say I’m sad.
I mean a chasm ate me whole
And even my body no longer wants to be here
I can feel it everywhere 
And it hurts.

When I say I’m hopeless. 
I mean I’ve tried everything you’ve asked
Every option presented 
By people who are supposed to know
And nothing worked. 

When I say I’m sorry.
I mean I didn’t want to put you through any pain
I didn’t want to be the trauma you have
But I sincerely couldn’t do another second.